OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
id be glad to
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
