i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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