i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize