I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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