For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
