Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize