He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
