i wish starbucks made bloody marys
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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