...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize