I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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