Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
