sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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