went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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