I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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