i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
