Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
