Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize