just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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