so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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