your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm passing your future prison.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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