I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
