the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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