i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
