Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
