its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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