OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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