I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
