I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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