you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dicks are not precious.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
