We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
