i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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