your parents love me but you hate me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
