i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
