See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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