I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
