I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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