I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
