well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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