in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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