He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
