Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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