90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
