sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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