3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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