somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
