How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
