Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize