Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
