Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
