Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
