i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize