So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
