I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Screwed.edu
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Operation Purity has been aborted
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
