Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
