I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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