i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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