Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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