her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
