"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
