My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
