With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
