omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
