You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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