sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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