I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
