i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
