I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
