Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
