I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
