Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
