Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
