I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
