oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
no you cant smoke seaweed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
