if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
