cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
