I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
