I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
