i just wanna soil my oats bro
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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