i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
