yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
