he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
