youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
