I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
