he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
