I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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