She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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