i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
