Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
