after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
