All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
