So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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