Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
