thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
