false alarm. still invincible.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
