remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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