I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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