you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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