I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
