I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
